I would have to say that I am probably a little impatient these days as I am getting really sick of being sick. This now is going on a little over 2 months and I don't see the end in sight yet. I have learned some things along the way though … I have a whole new regard for people that are in constant bad pain all of the time. That is me right now and I have to tell you that it is not fun at all and not to be in pain is not fun either. The drugs are so strong that when I take them I do not know what I am doing, I can't drive, talk, walk … nothing … I can barely function. So because of this side effect I have stopped taking them for 2 of the doses … now I only take the one right before I go to bed so I don't have to worry about what I can't do while I am sleeping. But by doing this I am back in pain again … not as bad as before but still a lot of pain. I have another Dr. appointment on /13 to see what the next step will be … I hope that they can take me out of my misery.
About
this past year … I am not sure yet what to think. I do know that
for the first time in my lifetime I actually did something that I
wanted to do and as it turned out I was very good at it but in the
end …. I am not sure what I expected to change but I guess that I
was surprised when nothing did change. This is hard for me to
explain to you and I am not sure even what I am trying to say but I
just expected something to be different at the end of this year and I
realize that I couldn't change what happened to my back but it just
isn't that … it is …. can any of you explain it?
Please
don't think that I am not grateful for all of the wonderful things
that did happen this year … hey, I have a food blog that is being
read around the world and is being published in the Oakland Press
News Paper, I gave my very first speech, I was on the Channel 7 News,
I cooked with the TV Star Ann Thornton, I can skin a 5' Salmon like a
pro, I can cut down a side of beef with the best of them and I loved
going to school and learning all of the special things that they
teach that I didn't think that I was even interested in … problem
is that now that I am no longer going to school I don't know what to
do with my day again. I was so busy for one entire year … and at
some point my mom asked me … what are you going to do Denise when
you don't have school to go to everyday any longer? I don't think
that I ever answered her for sure but I do know that I have been out
of school for most of the past 7-8 weeks sick and I don't like being
home anymore. I like seeing people and socializing everyday … It
is way better than talking to myself. For me school was not
necessarily to end up being some big time chef … for me it was to
get me out of my apartment … but in the end I was very good at
school and enjoyed learning.
I
had a wonderful support system … my MOM came through for me in
every way possible. She is still supporting me and helping me make
some tough choices about finishing school, getting my back operated
on and what the future holds for me or what I will or won't be able
to do with a bad back … and if I am to be honest I would have to
say that maybe I will not be able to be some great chef because I
will not be able to be on my feet that long because of my back.
Cooking for me might just be for fun as it has always been … only
now I have the knowledge to make it even more fun and interesting.
And if that is what is in store for me … I will roll with it.
I
just want to know … I don't like NOT KNOWING what is going to
happen next. I like knowing what is next …
I
need to keep writing in the blog but now that I am not in school I am
not sure what to write. I will keep you updated with the back
operation and what is going on with that but the blog started out to
be a day to day of happenings at school … and for now there is no
more school I will have to write on the day to day of …. any ideas?
What
would be interesting to write and read about?
I
do know that I don't plan on being alone for another year … maybe I
could write about how I plan to find someone who is honest, sincere,
funny and who wants to spend some time with me. I am not looking to
be married again, or even live with someone again … I just don't
want to be alone anymore. I would like to find someone who likes to
eat … someone I could cook for, maybe someone to travel with, maybe
someone to live in Florida with?
Well,
this is an update of the past few weeks … I am hoping that it
doesn't take this long again to write again … I don't want the
Oakland Press to stop publishing my blog because I am not updating it
as often as I should … I will write again soon.
Hope
that everyone had a wonderful Christmas with their families and I
hope that you all have a Happy New Year … stay safe and healthy!
Good night from 1HappyChef. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment